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Hurt people…hurt people

Episode 461
Wildly Successful Lifestyle

LISTEN TO: Hurt people…hurt people

Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 461 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! We are becoming good friends. I like it. Let’s keep it up so subscribe to the podcast so you get those little notifications when I publish a new episode which is twice a week Monday and Friday. They’re short so we won’t get tired of each other and also, share them with your friends and family, maybe your coworker, the ones you like, you’re spreading goodness into the world. You never know the ripple effect of one small act of kindness.

Ok, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase hurt people hurt people. It’s a very true statement and when I hear it it rings true because a lot of times people who have been mistreated are angry and bitter which in turn causes them to project that on the people around them, often the ones closest. But what if the one that was mistreated was able to rise above it and end the cycle of hurt? We often feel entitled to be angry or bitter when we’ve been wronged or feel as if we’ve been wronged, but if you think about it that keeps the cycle going. The anger you hang on to is a weight only you carry. Yes you can hit other people upside the head with it but that doesn’t lessen your load it actually adds more weight and oh by the way now someone else has reason to be angry and bitter possibly adding weight to them as well. We’ve all experienced this in one way or another. And a lot of times it’s justified. Some people may not use their anger as a weapon, they just internalize it and it comes out in other ways like an illness or depression. The point is carrying the negative emotion with us everywhere we go is damaging. Always to ourself, sometimes to those that are around us. Letting it go allows to be not only kinder to others but it also allows us to be kind to ourself by letting go of that weight we were carrying. And kindness begets kindness. kindness is a choice we make moment to moment.

I was driving to the gym the other day and I was running a little late to work with Kevin and so of course there was an 18 wheeler jackknifed across the road so traffic was being yielded down to one lane. We were all over in one lane and here comes a big truck in the other lane trying to get in. My first thought was he was trying to cut in front instead of waiting but then I thought you know what he may not have noticed or he didn’t realize so I waved him in and let him in front of me. He rolled down his window twice to thank me. His windows were tinted so he rolled down the window so I would see him saying thank you. As we were waiting for our turn to go another truck this one had a trailer pulled up and no one was letting him in but the guy I let in waved him in front of him allowing him in line. I smiled and thought I did that. Kindness begets kindness. I don’t know if he would have done it anyway maybe. But I like to think he was paying kindness forward. Who knows how many kind acts came from that one small kind act? More than I know. I chose kindness when my initial thought was he should have gotten in line back there, he’s trying to cut in…I chose kindness, I didn’t have to, my initial thought was not to but because I did, he was grateful which made me feel good and then he passed that kindness forward.

I know it’s a lot more difficult to turn the other cheek or let a hurt go of the hurt when it’s personal. When it’s from a family member or a friend or coworker. sometimes you don’t want to let it go, you want to be mad, you have the right to be mad. Yep sometimes you do but your anger, your bitterness gathers steam and grows when you hang onto it. You may not realize how heavy that weight is until you set it down. My husband recently got an ablation for Afib and when the dr called and said he’s back in sinus rhythm I started crying. I didn’t realize the weight I was carrying because of that until it was lifted from me. I wish there was an ablation that could fix all the broken hearts in this world, but the truth of the matter is it is part of our work to heal ourselves. That’s part of what’s shaping who we are today. We are so resilient. We are more resilient than we even know but we often won’t let ourselves heal because we think if we let go of the hurt inflicted by others that we give them a hall pass. So we carry that weight around thinking it’s punishing them when it’s really punishing ourselves and the ones closest to us because we keep using that weight as an excuse or a worse a weapon. Success is always the best revenge because it means you’ve healed, the hurt no longer holds power over you. You are back in control, not the anger, not the hurt.

There’s a quote my husband shared with me that has stuck with me, it made a big impact oh him so he shared it with me. It’s powerful….It says “If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you”

So yep hurt people hurt people. But kindness begets kindness. And the decision to be one or the other lies with you in every moment. It starts with how you treat yourself. Are you kind to you? Do you talk nicely to and about yourself? Do you hang onto anger and bitterness thinking it is doing damage to someone else? You’re the one you listen to more than any other person. It pretty much dictates everything you do especially the way you treat other people. Hurt people hurt people until someone stops the cycle by just choosing kindness and that kindness may start with kindness to yourself that may be all you can muster. If for no other reason set the weight down for you. A lot of times we think it is weak to let go of something, we think we are strong and stubborn and we pride ourselves on the ability to hold strong and stay mad. But it actually weakens us when we hold onto past hurt, it weakens us when we hold onto anger. Have you ever seen a really strong (in a good way) person who’s bitter? Not very often. The less baggage we carry around the more space we make for new adventures and new experiences.

I’m very visual so the idea of taking whatever hurt you’re carrying around and mentally shaping it into something heavy like a brick or maybe it’s bigger like a concrete block. Mentally turn that hurt into a brick and imagine setting it down and walking away. Don’t worry you’ll pick it back up every once in a while but eventually you’re going to be like why do I keep doing that, it’s so heavy. I feel so much better not carrying it around. I feel so much lighter without it. Gradually you’ll heal yourself and you’ll be stronger for it. You’ll be kinder for it and now instead of hurt, you’ll be spreading kindness. The world thanks you. I thank you. You’ll thank you.

We all want to see the world be a better place. We all want to be part of making it better. Wayne Dyer says you can’t give away what you don’t have. So what do you have mostly in your heart? What are you putting out into the world on a regular basis? What you put out is what you get back. If you don’t have kindness in your heart, you can’t give kindness. We all have light and dark in us, it’s a choice which one is dominant.

My challenge to you today. Any past hurt you are dragging around with you, practice taking that hurt and mentally shaping it into something heavy and then setting it down and walking away. You don’t have to go far at first but eventually if you keep practicing that you will see that you have the power to pick it back up or not. You control it, it does not control you. And now you’ve got your power back. Share this with 3 people who show you immense love and support. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!

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