Hi Guys! Welcome to the 90th Episode of the “Wildly Successful Lifestyle” podcast! Do you get tired of hearing me say subscribe? I read that it takes 8 times for you to hear something before you are like “Oh, I need to do that.” HA. SO Consider this number 8 and while you’re at it go ahead and give me a 5 star rating if you enjoy the episodes. And I love you whether you do it or not because I’m just glad you’re here with me today. That makes me happy.
So the title….I’m not OK, You’re not OK and that’s OK, I wish I had created it but A dear friend of mine this week sent me an article with that title, and I loved it. Sometimes life is going to throw us curve balls. No-one is exempt. Things will be going along great and then BAM! something happens and we are left wondering what hit us. That’s life. The contrast of the bad makes the good so much better. So, if you are going through a hard time right now, Realize no matter how bad things seem, things will get better. It’s temporary. Just like stormy days don’t last forever, neither do bad times. The contrast of the clouds with the sun, makes the sun so much better!
We all experience situations that are challenging. IF you live in this world then you may experience discomfort weekly and maybe daily depending on your nature. But how much of your discomfort is self induced? How often do we relive past hurts? How often do we have arguments in our heads that we never will have in real life? How much are you worrying about things that will never happen? I know I experience this and sometimes it depends on what I’m reading or watching. Something I read can turn a perfectly good day bad and nothing in my environment changed except for my thoughts about what I just read. This reminds me of a story I heard this week. There were two monks that were walking through a forest and they came upon a river, there was a woman standing at the side and asked for help getting across. The first monk was a bit irritated and just kept walking but the second monk picked the woman up, carried her across the river and set her down on the other side safely. The monks then carried on with their journey, but the first monk was obviously upset and so after a couple hours, the second monk asked what was wrong. The monk said, brother, you know we are not supposed to touch a woman and yet you picked her up carried her across the river. The second monk, said brother, I dropped that woman at the side of the river hours ago, you’re still carrying her. You see his thoughts about the woman were unnecessarily weighing him down. How often do we do this to ourselves?
So, Not sure when you are listening to this. If it is current and we are still in 2020. It’s been quite a year. Lots and Lots of different experiences. We have had to learn to pivot on a dime. We’ve had to hold our chin up when we didn’t feel like keeping it up. We had to rely on yourself more than we normally would. I don’t know about you, but I realized I had begun relying a little too much on external things to make me feel happy and alive and inspired. 2020 taught me to dig deep and figure out what I have inside me that can sustain joy even though some of the normal things that filled my life with joy weren’t available like travel, seeing my friends and family whenever I wanted, going to movies, concerts, and parties. It’s easy to be happy when things are going our way but what about when they aren’t going our way? What do we do or how do we react when things aren’t easy or fun? Do we tend to blame others? Do we tend to make things in our minds worse than they are? Do we hang onto problems longer than we need to and maybe even create new problems for our self? Do we complain about every little thing? Or do we take a look inside yourself and ask How can I make this situation better? What can I be grateful for? What good can I take away from this situation? Or maybe….What do I love about this person that is annoying me? You see most of the time it is thoughts about things that affect us more than the thing itself.
During one of my meditations, the narrator told a story…..There was a mayor of a small town by the sea. This mayor walked the beach barefoot every morning for years. This was something he so loved and brought him joy. As the years passed, there started to be more and more shells and rocks and he started getting cuts and bruises on his feet. Finally he called a town meeting and he told the townspeople that he was going to cover the beach so he could walk without hurting his feet. Of course the people thought the idea was crazy, but no-one was brave enough to voice their opinion but one little 7 year old boy stood up and said Mayor, why don’t you just wear shoes? But see that didn’t fit his objective. He wanted external things to change instead of him making a personal change. When I heard that story…I said “Ouch” because it kind of hit home. I mean, how often do we do that? How often do we expect someone else to change in order for us to feel a certain way? I think most of us experience this in one way or another.
I have been open about my younger sister, not Molly who I talk about a lot, but my other younger sister, who because of her religion, she doesn’t want to be part of our life, you see, now that her kids are growing up, she doesn’t want her children to see a different life that they may rather have, she told me in order to be a part of her life, I would have to be part of that religion. So she wanted me to change in order for her to love me. Guys, that never works. That’s called conditional love and when you have to change for someone to want you to be part of your life, then you have to be something you’re not. I don’t know about you but I would rather be authentically me and around people who love me for who I am than to be loved for being something I’m not. That’s an empty life. That’s a life that you will never truly be able to live up to. I told my sister that day when she told me we wouldn’t be part of her life anymore, I told her that she didn’t have to change a thing in order for me to love her. I’m not afraid of her beliefs at all, I just don’t share them. Now, to say it doesn’t bother me would be a lie. I would like for things to be different but I have no control of it. The reason I bring this story up is because it is a good example of a situation that is not easy, there isn’t something I’ve done wrong and it isn’t something I control. So what do you do when situations like that come up? For your own peace of mind, You have to love them and let go. Letting go is the most powerful, empowering gift you can give yourself…. If you cannot reconcile a wrong that you have no control over then you have to let go and focus on things you do control. This is not sticking your head in the sand, it is protecting your peace of mind.
Think about your life right now. Is there something or someone that you need to let go of to give yourself peace of mind? Are you needing conditions to change to make you happy? Are you wanting people in your life to be different so that you are happy? Are you relying on someone else to make you happy?
It isn’t popular to say this but, in my opinion, it happens to be true.. Personal Responsibility is linked to a happier life. So what does it mean to have personal responsibility? I have a list and I will put it in the show notes if you’re interested.
My physical health is a priority
My mental health is an equal priority
I nurture the relationships that are most important to me
My home is clean and organized
My finances are in order
I wrote a new mantra in my journal and I think I will keep writing it daily until it completely sinks in, you can borrow it if you want as well. I wrote that My life is the way it is because of the decisions I have made. The things I control are the only ones that matter in the long run. You know what the biggest thing I control is? It’s my thoughts. And that goes for you as well. If we start being aware of our thoughts, then we will have more control over our happiness.
And just to close today, if you’re going through a rough time….It’s going to get better and eventually you will be able to say “I’m ok, you’re OK and it’s all going to be ok. I love you guys and I’ll talk to you in a few days.
