Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 522 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! You guys are the best for being here with me twice a week! These episodes are short for a couple reasons, one being I love short podcasts and wish there were more and two being you can listen on your way to work without having to stop and start, and three being we have short attention spans so short is good. So be sure to share with anyone who you think might enjoy a burst of inspiration twice a week that’s usually 10 minutes or less. Thank you in advance.
Ok, I had a long beautiful conversation with my little sister Molly a few weeks ago. We often have long conversations on the phone but this one was different. This one we were talking about things that weren’t easy. She was saying how she was concerned that X the social media platform was ruining her people so to speak. X is really the only social media I do anymore and her husband too. So she decided she would get on X and see what the hoopla was about. Well let’s just say it didn’t go well. Because it’s sort of uncensored and unfiltered there are things on there that can be disturbing. It made her sad to be on it for any amount of time so she wanted to talk to me about my usage of it, worrying it might be doing the same for me. She commented she thought I had been a little edgier lately and maybe that’s why. I noticed at first I started to be defensive and sort of question myself..am I edgier? But then I thought, just wait. Hear her out. She’s my best friend besides my husband and when she says something I want to listen. So I thought…..Maybe there’s something to it, maybe there’s not so I listened and asked questions instead of trying to immediately making my case for myself. I asked her about her experience on X and asked her in what ways have I seemed edgier, asking for examples.. some of what she experienced on x was she watched these videos of the New Orleans disaster that no person wants to see.
It is unfiltered and uncensored. She proceeded to say there’s something to things being filtered. I said ok, so you think censorship is good..she said well if I were the victim of the attack and my body is on video would you want everyone to see it? I see her point but I also never watch those videos. They show up and I scroll right by. I don’t want those images in my head. It is possible to not watch those videos if you know you can’t handle what you’ll see. Personal responsibility in my opinion, has got to become a part of our society again. Censorship is not the answer. Censorship allows bad things to take place and continue. The reality is those videos cause outrage which makes change happen. But if you can’t watch it and be ok then it’s on you to know your own limitations and not watch it. I can’t watch it and so I don’t. Some of you may disagree with me on this. But freedom of speech is freedom of all speech, not just the kind you like. Now getting back to the conversation with Molly, she says she is gonna click on every video even the ones with sensitivity labels, my experience is not that. For me I know I’m too sensitive to watch those and so I don’t. I don’t want those images in my head. And if you watch them the algorithm sends you more and more of the same so you do want to be really careful how you spend your time. I am happy Molly talked to me about X because I have been limiting my time on it to 30 minutes a day and this conversation encourages me to be true to that goal, so it made be better. I’m proud of her for that. I’m also proud of me because I asked her for specific examples of my being edgy, I didn’t just accept that as truth, I didn’t just take that label on, I asked for specific examples because her perception is her reality and I wanted to understand what, if anything I needed to watch or change and she couldn’t give me any examples. To her credit, she said I know you’ve been reading the boundaries book and focusing on not taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and maybe I’m just not used to that and so it’s coming across as edgy. Maybe because you don’t have the finesse with it yet, I laughed and wholeheartedly agreed. I’m clunky with it. In my mind that’s exactly it. I haven’t perfected how to say no without it coming out in an awkward or maybe even aggressive way, it will take a little time and that’s ok. She was mature enough to bring it up and I was mature enough to hear it without taking on labels that weren’t actually true. I love that we had this conversation because we both grew from it. I will be even more careful about x and she will probably stop getting on it at all. Her perception of X is very different from mine, as is our experience with it. Also, She now knows I am not going to take criticism at face value and I know I don’t have to accept every label someone gives me. Having clear and open conversations can be scary but when both parties accept responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings, the conversation is a mature one. Like the one I had with Molly…which I thoroughly enjoyed and I think she did too.
Other people’s perception is their reality not ours unless we take it on.
My challenge to you is to recognize when you are taking on someone else’s perception of you. Try not to get defensive like I initially did, but ask for clarity so you can decide for yourself if it rings true or if you can chalk it up to someone else’s opinion. And also, be careful spending too much time on any social media, it’s part of our life now but it’s not the best part…the best part is the person sitting next to you that deserves your full attention, the puppies that thrive when you take them for a long walk, the moments of clarity and creativity you get from spending time in meditation or in nature…you were put here to create not consume. Share this with 3 people who you would love to spend more time with. I love you guys, Ill talk to you in a few days!
