Hi guys! Welcome to episode 359 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Thanks for being interested enough to keep coming back and listening and sharing. There is no greater honor for me than when you share an episode with someone you love. I always say Im speaking to myself in every episode but I love knowing you’re out there listening and I hope you keep it up, we really are getting better and better every day……It really does start with your mind.
So, I was thinking about how spiritual leaders and meditation mentors will tell you if there’s something unpleasant happening in your life that you have no control over then you can look at it momentarily then move on. No need to dwell. No need to focus.
And as I was thinking about that my thought goes to the main unpleasant thing I have in my life which is my sister and her family that I don’t see because they have chosen to not associate with the members of the family not in their religion. And as my thoughts touched on that subject I smiled to myself and thought it’s ok because I don’t control that so there is no reason for me to dwell on it. Nothing I do will change the situation. But then I jolted and I thought wait a minute actually I could change it. I could forgo my beliefs, my desires, my intuition and return to a religion I don’t want to be part of so that I can be with some of my family that I do want to be part of. I do have the ability to do that and they would then welcome me with open arms. But I am totally unwilling to do that. I will not forsake who I am in order to be part of something no matter how much I want to be part of it. I’m just not going to do it and I’m proud of me for that.
I remember a time in 6th grade where a group of mean girls, they thought they ruled the school, one day I came to school and I said hello to one of them who I thought was my friend and she didn’t even respond and the whole day that whole group of girls ignored me completely. In 6th grade that’s a big deal when your friends, all of them ignore you. I had no idea what I had done. So the next day I come in expecting to be ignored again and they run up to me being super friendly and said we ignored you yesterday. Today we are ignoring Chrissy so you can’t talk to her all day. Hmmm. So I had a choice. I could be part of their group and ignore Chrissy..she wasn’t really my friend anyway, we didn’t hang out so it wouldn’t have been hard, but in order to hang out with this group that I now realized are mean girls I had to be a mean girl even just for the day. I wanted to be part of that group prior to this but I didn’t want to be part of that group anymore so that whole day I hung out with Chrissy. I was unwilling to waiver who I was to be part of a group that I wanted to be part of at one point but realized being true to who I am is more important than being part of something that requires for me to do things that go against what my inner guidance system says is right for me.
And that all sounds well and good but in order to be unwilling to waiver you kind of have to know where your values lie in the first place.
You also have to have a solid understanding of what you have control over and what you don’t. The only thing you will ever have complete control of is YOU. Your integrity with you is the most important thing you have.
If you’re willing to sacrifice your values and your integrity for short term gain you will always regret it.
I read an article once about an actress who I don’t remember her name. And you probably would not know it anyway because she never won an Oscar, in fact she didn’t get the lead role because in order to get that she had to do things with a certain movie mogul who told her if she didn’t do the things he wants she will not only never win an Oscar she will never play a leading lady role and she held true to her values and said no. She knows the girls that have said yes, won an Oscar, everyone knows their names. But what now? Because winning an oscar is just like any achievement…it’s a momentary happiness. I read that Gweneth Paltrow said after she won her Oscar she actually got depressed because what now? That’s why it’s so important to know your values and to stick to them even when it seems like everything you want could be achieved if you would only give up your values temporarily, believing it’s a shortcut.
What I’ve found is usually shortcuts cost you more in the long run. Super true in the design world. Any time I’ve ever wavered on doing something the right way thinking I would save money, I’ve usually had to redo it the right way costing me extra time and money.
And look I’ve done that, I’ve also done things I’m not proud of in the past. We all have. Just remember it’s not what you have done, it’s what you’re doing that matters.
My friend Freida said she was at an event for her grandson and the speaker said something she hasn’t forgotten. He said in life….you make the right decision or you make the decision right.
So don’t think that just because you’ve made mistakes, or you’ve undermined your values in the past that that means you can’t be a person of integrity moving forward.
A lot of times the mistakes we make are the stepping stones to becoming who we’re meant to be. If you erase all the mistakes of your past , you would also erase all of the wisdom of your present. You’re effectively erasing who you are. Everything we’ve experienced up to now has made us who we are.
A lot of times your mistakes highlight your values. They shine a light on your values because most of us have a set of values we live by. And when we get sideways of one we know it and When that happens we get to decide what happens next.
Our integrity and our values matter. Anyone or anything that tries to get us to waiver in our integrity or waiver in our values..isn’t looking out for your best interest. They are looking out for theirs. I don’t care if it’s your family not speaking to you or a boss not giving a promotion. In the long run, you’ll always be better off staying true to who you are even if it means short term pain.
My challenge to you is to own your integrity and own your values. And be proud of your unwillingness to waiver in the face of the opportunity to do so. And if you make a mistake, own it and make it right. Share this with 3 people unwilling to waiver. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
