Stop explaining yourself!

Episode 520
Wildly Successful Lifestyle

LISTEN TO: Stop explaining yourself!

Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 520 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Thanks for being here! I’m glad you’re with me today and every time, it means a lot..regardless of whether you are listening while you’re on the treadmill like Madelyn or walking like Cassandra or stair climbing like Molly or maybe on your card ride like Eric and Mike. Whatever we do together Im happy about it.

Ok, so I love this topic, the title “Stop Explaining yourself says a lot but for some of us it’s easier said than done.I have done episodes on similar topic before and I’m talking about it again because it’s something I am still learning to do. I am around several people that Im very close to that have no problem whatsoever saying no without elaborating and when I see someone do that, I am now in awe, I am impressed by it. My husband Eric is a perfect example of this. We go on a trip every year with some of our very best friends and this year somehow we got the days off by one day so we are flying home one day earlier than everyone else. I hate it when that happens, it’s happened before and it felt sad leaving. Anyway, we are on a group text with everyone else and one of our friends said “Eric and Heidi can you change your flight so you can leave with everyone?” Eric and I had already discussed it at length and it wasn’t going to work for a couple reasons, one being Eric’s work, two being the ticket price at this point was double. So when Eric text the group back, he simply said “No, that’s not going to work for us”. Now to me, when I saw that I said to Eric “why don’t you explain why not so that they know why”. I would have been tripping over myself to explain why and it just never even occurred to him to explain himself. His “no” was explanation enough. That’s standard for him. He never feels the need to explain. I have to admit it sometimes makes me uncomfortable because that doesn’t come as easy for me. I worried that someone may have thought he was being short. Let me add that he is an extremely thoughtful and kind person, he just doesn’t need permission from anyone else to make the decisions he feels is right for him. And I respect that a lot. As it turns out, no-one that I know of felt like he was being short they just accepted that it was not gonna work for us and that’s ok.

I read this week that every time you feel the need to justify your choices, your dreams, or why you said “no” you’re sending yourself a message that you need permission to live your life and you don’t. Constantly explaining yourself doesn’t make people understand you better, it just drains you and keeps you stuck in a loop of over thinking.

You don’t need to convince anyone of your worth or your decisions,. The people who truly care about you wont need an explanation.

I think it’s important to hear someone say “it’s ok to live life on your own terms” at least it’s important for those of us that feel like we should always be accommodating. I mean Therapists say it and life Coaches say it but a majority of people never experience either of those. Growing up a lot of us were told to do what mommy and daddy expect you to do so that they approve of you. That then extended to teachers, religious leaders and others. That’s certainly how I was raised. I wasn’t encouraged to think for myself, quite the opposite. So when I hear “It’s ok to live life on your own terms”, it feels extremely comforting and gives me a sense of relief. I am getting better and better at doing that and I have to say it’s so much easier to live that way because Im no longer twisting myself into a pretzel to explain why I made this decision and then worry and worry that I have hurt someone’s feelings or put someone out. You have just as much right to take up space as anyone else. Never forget that. It’s exhausting living according to someone else’s plan for you.

The quote I read at the beginning ended with this: Save your energy. Stand firm in what feels right for you. You’re not here to live a life that makes sense to everyone else, you’re here to live one that feels good in your heart. The moment you stop explaining, you take back your power. And trust me, you feel lighter the second you do.

I wholeheartedly Agee. My challenge to you today is practice saying no without an explanation, you can do it in a loving thoughtful way so maybe you say, “I’m not available, but thank you for the invite” or “I appreciate the offer, but I have to pass” or come up with your own way to show yourself you don’t need anyone else’s permission to live life on your own terms. Share this with 3 people who deserve to live life on their terms. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!

Wildly Successful Lifestyle

New Episodes Every Monday and Friday!

Where to Listen:

More from the Wildly Successful Lifestyle Podcast:

Wildly Successful Lifestyle
Wildly Successful Lifestyle
Wildly Successful Lifestyle
Get Access

Every Successful Person Knows their 3 Words

Submit your email below to get FREE access to the PDF and Video Guide that helps you live a Wildly Successful Life!