Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 504 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Thank you for being here and supporting this podcast by listening, sharing, subscribing, giving a 5 star review…all of the ways you can show love, thank you for that. I love you guys right back.
Ok, so I follow James Clear on X, he’s one of the brilliant young minds of today in my humble opinion. Give him a follow, you wont regret it. But he posted something the other day where he said this. “Being yourself is a continuous effort. There is always another expectation placed upon you, another person pulling you toward their preferences, another nudge from society to act a certain way. It’s a daily battle to be yourself, not merely what the world wants you to be.
It’s true isn’t it? Since we live in a world where most of us have to deal with other people regularly, it is sometimes challenging to know what it is you think. Like what do I think about this thing, this event, this person, without any other input. I ask myself that question a lot. What do I think about this? Not the part of me that is influenced by others but the part of me that is impervious to influence, the part of me that is connected to my higher source. We all have that part by the way, it’s just that sometimes it has been drowned out by the other part. That other part that is incessantly thinking about how we fit in or match up, or how we look, what are they thinking about us. Intentional thinking happens from the part of us that is connected to the higher source. It’s kind of hard to get to that part that is connected to higher source when we spend most of our time making decisions from the part of us that is easily influenced. That part people pleases, gets easily offended, worries incessantly about what other people think, focuses on consuming rather than creating. Things work best when you are aligned and making decisions from the part of you that is connected to your higher source. Some people like elite athletes or elite military teams call it being in the flow. That flow happens when you stop thinking from your ego. You’re going with the flow instead of worrying about how you look to the crowd when you catch the ball, make the hit or throw the pass. Same is true when you’re in a high level meeting, giving a presentation, or in the flow writing the latest chapter in your book. It’s hard to be in the flow when all you’re doing is thinking about yourself.
I was thinking the other day about our upcoming annual Christmas party, As I was thinking about it I felt stress and I thought why is it always so stressful for me? Why do I breathe a sigh of relief once it’s over? And then I realized. It’s the stress of me thinking about me and only me. Basically worrying how I will look, how the house will look, what if the food tastes bad, what if this person comes or this one doesn’t. I was only focused on me and my ego. I wasn’t focusing on how so many people say our party represents the true start of Christmas season for them or how they look forward to it every year or how it’s one of their favorite nights. I wasn’t focusing on just how blessed we are to have so many close friends and family are able to be in our home on one night just enjoying the holiday season. When I stop focusing on me and start focusing on just allowing everything to unfold as it will, the stress melts away. I know Eric and I will have done the work. So really we just have to relax and let it all unfold and I have to stop focusing so much on me.
We often let our ego cause us to hold back or give up all together. I literally think about canceling our Christmas party every year because of my own silly thoughts mainly having to do with my ego. It’s easier to not have the party because then I don’t have to deal with any expectations but every year we have it and every year I am so happy we did. And guess what? People are just happy to be at a cozy party where there is a lot of laughter and joy for the holiday season, one year some of the food didn’t show up and a friend of mine made a pit stop at Chic-Fil-A and grabbed 100 chicken nuggets, they were demolished and were the hit of the party, way more popular than the fancy food we would have had. It’s always ok. When I get out of my own head, it’s always ok. When I stop focusing on me and the drama about me in my head things get better quickly. It’s normal to feel a little self conscious, but normal never threw amazing parties. Normal doesn’t do extraordinary things.
The other day I was working on my podcast at home when the girls that clean our home showed up. They are wonderful and have been with us for about 18 years now so they are like family but when I say they show up it’s not like they show up and we chat and they mull about for the first 10 min. No there are usually 5 of them and they come in like a tornado and each has their specific job and they get right to it so I am simply in the way so I decide to go around the corner to a local coffee shop to work. When I get there it’s so packed. The only table left is right in the middle of the room. So I grab my coffee and sit down but I get kind of exposed, like people could read what I was writing and how was I ever going to work under these circumstances and then I paused and looked around. Everyone was busy either working too or chatting with their friends, my self consciousness was completely unfounded. So, I put my head down and got right to work too. I was able to finish and an hour later as I looked up I realized so many people were gone and I hadn’t noticed them leave. We get so in our heads sometimes worried about how we look to others or try to read their minds and what they must be thinking about me when most often than not they aren’t thinking about me at all. They may notice me and may even be curious what I’m typing but after a minute or two they are on to what they were doing. I know because that’s what I do. I notice things but I am not dwelling on other people. It’s our ego that wants to believe others are busy thinking about us but more likely than not they are busy thinking about themselves too. It’s human nature. When you realize that you can relax into your own world without the need to be self conscious. Being self conscious is normal, getting past it and doing great things is not. When I was sitting at that center table of a packed coffee house, my thought was to just leave and try to maybe work in the car, but I worked through the insecurity and the self conscious thoughts in my head and I stayed there. I got over myself, got in alignment and got to work. You can do hard things and moving past that insecurity, moving past the normal self conscious thoughts, that’s hard, but to do great things you have to quit thinking about failure and start focusing on what it’s going to take to succeed. Sometimes it means you have to stay when you want to leave or leave when you want to stay, it may mean throwing the party even though there may be a little stress that comes with it. It may mean putting your resume in for the promotion or asking for the date. What does it mean for you?
My challenge to you this week is to notice when your ego is holding you back. Remember it’s normal to feel self conscious and normal for that feeling to hold you back, but normal isn’t the goal. You’re not listening to this podcast because your normal. You want to be Wildly Successful. You want to be extraordinary. In order to do that, you’re gonna have to move past the feeling of discomfort that comes with doing great things. Share this with 3 people who are doing great things. I love you guys! I’ll talk to you in a few days!
