Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 357 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! So that title is full of suspense if you ask me, maybe it’s just me but I like it because social media has shown us that people like to put this persona out there but do you ever wonder what they are really like outside of what they show the public? Humans are so interesting.
Are there things you do in private that you would never do if you knew someone was watching you? I’m not talking about sex or anything like that comes with that, that is meant to be private. I’m talking about things like the way you treat people, the way you eat, the way you carry yourself, the way you care for your home, the things you watch, the way you talk….do you put your grocery cart back? You know the things you do daily. How different are you when you think no one is watching?
It’s a fascinating question to me because we all have a side we show to the public, an image we want to keep and then there’s a side that the public doesn’t see. My question to you is…how different are the two?
So in the religion I grew up in it’s also interesting to me. There are good people just like there are in every religion. Just like there are in any community. Good people that put forward their best selves. Growing up I wanted to be good. I thought that what it meant to be good was to be perfect, perfect like the men who served as the leaders in the church, in my mind they always followed the rules and never made big mistakes thats why they were able to sit in judgement of everyone else, right? That’s what they wanted you to believe but then as I got older I realized the truth. They were human just like the rest of us. They made mistakes just like the rest of us. They just hid it really well. And every once in a while one would get caught and it would be a big deal. There’s one guy who was a respected leader of the church, he even shunned his own son because he was a sinner, but on his death bed confessed to an affair where he had fathered a daughter 30+ years ago and never even acknowledged her. But yet still he sat in judgement of others including his own son, what a burden that was for him to carry. But you see when you demand perfection from imperfect people and the punishment is banishment or public ridicule, what’s the natural thing for someone to do?
It’s to hide it. To deny it. To lie. And that’s what we learned growing up. Instead of learning to do things for the right reasons or learning from our mistakes we learned to lie about them. To deny it. So in public you’re one thing but in private you’re something else and that’s the only way you can stay part of the group because we all put on this show of being perfect and good but deep down, I know I kissed that boy that I wasn’t supposed to or I snuck out those times and no one to this day knows about it because I was taught to hide, the judgement would have been harsh, almost unbearable for me at the time. I hated myself at the time for not being able to follow the rules but looking back I was just a teenage kid with normal teenage kid hormones. We were taught that in order to be part of a group we have to be something we aren’t, something we couldn’t possibly live up to so we all were walking around with secrets but because of indoctrination we each thought we were the only ones that had sinful thoughts or sinful actions because everyone else seemed so perfect up front. And that’s a big burden to carry especially if it means the only way you get to stay in the group is to lie about who you really are. Now. I’m sure there were a few that towed the line. But they are the outliers. And I’m not sure I know any of them. But I’ve realized that living a mentally healthy life means being true to who you are. It means accepting who you are. It means knowing you’re accepted and worthy even though you make mistakes. It means that we do things for the right reasons whether someone is watching or not and if we make a mistake which we are going to do we own up to it and we work to make it right.
Because guess what? You matter. And you, that being inside your body, You’re always watching the things you do. Just like I’m always watching the the things I do. And that same you has been watching since you were born and will be watching until you die. No one lives the consequences of your decisions the way you do. The same for me.
That’s why it doesn’t matter the show you put on. You may be fooling Instagram or Facebook. But you’re not fooling you. And you’re ultimately the only one that matters in the long run. Love the people close to you. Be good to the people around you but have enough respect for yourself to be true to who you are. To be honest about what you want. To live in a way that allows you to hold your head up. Like we talked about in episode 356 To have the momentum headed towards excellence, not perfection because you’re a human, you’re not a robot.
You know when you’re lying. You know when you lost your cool and flipped that person off in traffic and then realized they were 90, You know when you didn’t make your bed so you dread going in your bedroom. You know when you drank way too much and you’re feeling it today, You know when you have thoughts that could lead to a decision that could wreck things in your life. You know when you’re making decisions based on what other people think instead of based on what you think. You know when you promise yourself you’re going to eat clean and then you gorge on a plate of cookies. You know because you’re always watching, you’re always with you. And at the end of the day, it’s not your church leaders or your Instagram followers or your parents who look in that mirror and see the real you, it’s you who sees it. It’s not the respect of the church leaders or your Instagram followers or your parents that matters…it’s the respect that you have for yourself that matters. Because when you respect yourself, you won’t clamor for the respect of others, it will come or it won’t and you will be ok either way because you’ve got your own back. Yeah you’re gonna make mistakes but so will everyone else, you’re not alone there. Regardless of what your church leaders, Instagram followers and parents let you see…they make them too so give yourself as much grace as you would them.
When you look in the mirror at the end of the day, you’re the one that sees all of you. No one else does.
You see…. the people in your life will judge you or love you or not love you based on their ideas of the world, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Someone will love you for the same thing someone else will judge you for. It can’t matter what they think because that’s a moving target of their agenda which is not about you, its about them. So it has to matter what you think.
You matter. And you’re always watching. Ultimately you’re going to make mistakes that have you beating yourself up but go easy…and give yourself grace but for your own sake..make sure the momentum is headed in the right direction in the direction of excellence whatever that means to you. You were designed to be exactly as you are. You aren’t good or bad. You’re both. We all are. One bad mistake doesn’t define you, 10 bad mistakes don’t have to define you, it’s what you do now and moving forward that matters. That feels good to hear because we don’t hear it a lot.
When you hold everything in or you’re never allowed to be imperfect or there’s too many strict rules eventually something has to give. It’s like a coiled spring..you can hold it down but as soon as it has a little freedom it’s going to go crazy. That’s why being too rigid isn’t good long term. Parents will do it to their kids. Religion will do it to their followers , groups will do it to the individual and you will do it to yourself.
You’re always watching. Show yourself that you can be trusted that you have integrity that you deserve your respect and Let that be enough.
At the end of the day..integrity is doing the right thing when no one else is watching.
You have mentors and guides throughout your life and thank goodness for them. But the ultimate guide for your life has to be you. You are ultimately the product of your decisions. Who you hang with, what you read, how you care for yourself, what you do when no one’s watching.
My challenge to you this week is to live your life like someone is always watching you because they are and it’s the most important person in the world, it’s you. Share this with 3 beautiful people. I love you guys I’ll talk to you in a few days.
