Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 412 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! I am glad you’re here!
Funny story. I was in the grocery store the other evening and I saw a guy and I was like oh! That’s my friend, I know him so I wave and give an enthusiastic hello, to be fair he handled it well because he had no idea who I was because I had actually never met him. He was the new husband of a young friend that I’ve known a long time. You see she posts lots of pictures of him online and well I felt like I knew him. Fortunately she was with him and saved me from having to explain myself completely. Has that ever happened to you? You see someone so much online that when you see them in real life you think you know them. I can’t be the only one. Haha. I had to get that story out to you guys to see if you’ve done that too…….That comes with the new territory of social media, I guess, that you know a lot about people that you may not know at all and sometimes it takes your brain a minute or two to know the difference. But anyway….now to the real point of this episode…….
I was sitting in my beautiful Tuscan room which has floor-to-ceiling windows that look out to our deck overlooking a forest behind us. I am so in love with this view every single day. So I’m sitting there and I notice I’m a little frustrated because across from me our sofa has somehow managed to be moved a little too far to the left so not only is it not centered on the windows properly but I can see the floor outlet and the lamp wire which I am now so zoned in on that I am not able to notice the beautiful trees or the peaceful rain falling and how the lighting is just perfect. No I’m not noticing all of that. In my mind, I’m wondering how it got moved and I’m frustrated that I am looking at these wires. Now I’m having my coffee with a blanket over me and I don’t want to get up and start moving furniture but I also know without a doubt I have to fix that or else my focus is going to stay on it. So I get up and I move the light and I move the sofa over and straighten the rug out and finally, all is well with my view again.
Sounds a little crazy doesn’t it? I have so much beauty to look at and here I am focused on the one little cord that is in my view and I fixate on it to the point where I saw nothing else but that.
We do this though don’t we? We have so much good in our lives but that one thing, that one thing we don’t like gets so much attention. And now we aren’t able to see all the good going on because we are fixated on that one thing. And sometimes we are fixated on that one thing when deep down we know it’s a little irrational to be so focused on this one bothersome thing, so why do we do that?
Well, here’s the thing. My sofa has been like that for probably a week or so. Maybe more and I sit in the same place, the same way every morning. Now, I’ve subconsciously noticed it but it just never bothered me because I love my view so much I didn’t focus on it. You see, I naturally normally only focus on things I love. That’s my norm. But not today. Today was different. Today I have a few things on my mind that are giving me a little trouble and they are things I don’t control and cannot fix which has me focusing on other things that bother me too. Of course it does. And now my brain has me fixing everything I can fix so as to bring harmony back into my morning in whatever way I can. Enter wire and floor plug that hasn’t bothered me until today. Isn’t that interesting?
Sometimes the problem we are dealing with is not the real problem. Our brain wants us to have harmony and feel good and so it will distract us in whatever way it can. So we go around hyperfocused on other people’s problems or on things that are wrong because it somewhat distracts us from the thing we really should be dealing with.
That’s why when you have a sick child, often you and your partner will fight. You’re both worried about your child but you can’t fix that so that energy has to go somewhere and now you become hypersensitive to the things your partner does that irritates you that on a normal day doesn’t bother you at all. It’s not them. It’s you. You’re worried and you’re stressed. And that’s normal and also a part of life. But it’s a part of life that will have you wreaking havoc on the rest of your life if you aren’t careful.
Being stressed financially, being stressed because of a diagnosis, being stressed because of family problems. These can be really big stressors and they can cause us to be hypersensitive to everything else negative in our line of site. That’s why sometimes you’re in traffic and it’s not bothering you whereas other days you’re wanting to rage at every car you think is the cause of the traffic problems.
Or why when things are going good in your life you don’t notice the little quirks about your partner but when there’s stress those little quirks become giant mountains.
Things are going to happen in life that cause us stress. This is part of a normal human experience but they don’t have to wreak havoc on the rest of our life…we just have to check ourselves for a minute and say ok, I know I’m stressed or worried about “whatever it is”, so how do I deal with that problem without creating more problems?
It’s more of the same thing I talk about in almost every episode it seems. Noticing our natural tendencies, our internal dialogue, our never ending thought patterns. When something feels a little off like me this morning hyperfocused on a wire instead of looking at the big picture that’s not my norm but when I gave it a little thought I realized of course. I’m worried so I’m sensitive to things I wouldn’t normally be sensitive to. Knowing that will help me not create more problems.
My challenge to you today is to notice when you’re stressed or worried notice how you may want to distract yourself by wreaking havoc elsewhere. Notice that you’re much more sensitive to things that wouldn’t normally bother you and then ask yourself how can I deal with the real problem without creating more problems? Your mind is on your team and will give you all the answers you need if you ask the right questions. Share this with three people who may have a worry or a stress in their life..hint hint that’s everyone. I love you guys. I’ll talk to you in a few days.
