Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 383 of The Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Welcome if you’re new. Welcome back if we’ve been hanging together for a while. Either way Im super happy you’re here and I hope that we grow a little together today. I hope we feel better together today. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Because you aren’t alone in your feelings of isolation. Or in your feelings of beating yourself up. Or in your feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, unworthiness.
We all have those feelings, they may feel specific to you, or they may feel like you are the only one that feels them as deeply or feels that certain feeling. But it’s not so, we all were blessed with this beautiful body that comes with this robust brain, that’s the main word I could think of to summarize it, we all have this robust brain that thinks it’s in charge.
Left to it’s own devices, it will have you eating when you’re not hungry, wondering how you got to work because you’re so lost in it, staring in the mirror with thoughts that no-one should have about themselves. Left in charge it will tell you you aren’t worthy, it will tell you you’re not good enough, it will tell you “they don’t like you”, “you don’t belong” it will tell you “you’re old, you’re ugly, you’re fat”. And I know this is starting off a little depressing but I want to hit a nerve in you because I want to wake you up from this unknowingly self imposed nightmare. And we don’t all have the same nightmare, but we do all have a brain. And the brain at one point or another every single day is telling you you’re the problem. You’re not pretty anymore, you’re never gonna be successful, you’re the reason your kids are miserable, you don’t belong here, you were never given the chance.
And sometimes you’re more susceptible than other times, women out there, it happens once a month, for men, it could be you lost your job, or your ability to protect is threatened in some way, these are the times where you really stand the chance to be a victim to that robust brain, that thing that forms your mind. That thing that forms your thoughts, that beautiful thing that forms your identity.
If we aren’t careful everything in our life hinges on who we think we are. Hinges on our identity. But where does our identity come from? Were we born thinking we suck? Were we born thinking we aren’t good enough in some way? Were we born thinking we are unworthy? We were not. That stuff came from somewhere else. We picked it up along the way. That mean thing that girl said to you that one time, you’ve never forgotten. The way your parents told you good girls do this or don’t do that. The religion you were raised in and the rules you tried so hard to follow but came up short. Society’s depiction of beauty. Your own depiction of beauty.
I turned 50 this year. Do You want to know what I’ve said to my husband probably 3 times this week? I said “It’s hard getting older as a woman”. That’s my belief. Our beauty fades as we get older and we are judged as women in society by our beauty. I believe that. That thought though, “It’s hard getting older as a woman” You know where I heard that? My dear sweet beautiful grandmother. That was her belief too. She died at 93 still trying every day to feel as beautiful as she could and you know what I saw? I always saw her as beautiful. It didn’t matter how old she was. Partly because she did take such good care of herself and always dressed elegantly and made sure she looked the best she could, but mainly because she was just so fun and loving and beautiful inside too.
I was a little hard on myself this week, now it has been that time of the month, women you’ll understand, but does that give me an excuse to beat myself up? It shouldn’t but I was having a little pity party. I looked in the mirror at my new sunspot on my face and the wrinkles and just was sort of disgusted. At one point, I even looked at my feet as I was sitting outside and thought “even your feet are getting old and unattractive.” That was an actual thought. Now, before you guys send me a message telling me not to be so mean to myself, I know this. Im talking about it because Im glad I had that thought about my feet because it jolted me awake. I literally shook my head and said “what are you doing”. Why are you allowing thoughts that are literally making you hate yourself? Because guess what? Just because you think them doesn’t make them true and just because your grandmother and her grandmother believed the same thing, doesn’t make it true.
The point Im making with this episode is this. You are not the problem. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. You aren’t the problem. Your mind is. Your mind creates 99.9% of the problems you have. And it’s not just women either. My sweet husband has been working a lot this month and he finally got a weekend off and it’s a beautiful weekend and we are sitting having our coffee talking about what we were going to do for the day and he said “I’m sorry I didn’t plan anything for today, He said he woke up this morning and thought “you didn’t even plan something fun for this weekend”. Now, he had made reservations for a quaint little restaurant down the street but he is still beating himself up because we didn’t have anything in the plan for the day. Men tend to beat themselves up too. But where’s the problem? There wasn’t one until he created one…and of course the problem in his mind was him, he hadn’t planned something.
But my question to you today is where is the problem? Where’s the problem with no plan for the day? Where’s the problem with me having thoughts of even my feet look old…. There’s no problem there until we created it. That robust brain decided to create a problem specifically designed just for you. I wasn’t thinking Oh Eric didn’t plan anything, no he created that in his head. No-one is looking at my feet and thinking even her feet are getting old…No I’m creating that problem in my head. And it was so unbelievably ridiculous that it jolted me out of the pity party I was having and into my true essence.
My true essence isn’t even aware of aging. My true essence is as pure and peaceful as the day I was born. My true essence is unchanged, unphased and at peace. And so is yours. My true essence has been with me since I was born unchanged…. Is that something you can wrap your head around? I listened to a guided meditation that said to think of your mind and your body like clothes that you can change because they are every changing. What if your thoughts and your body and your mind were just like clothes….what you wear affects your mood right? So does what you think, what if just like you can change your shirt and feel a different way, what if you can change your thoughts and also feel a different way? How does that feel to you? It’s so freeing to me. My true essence is the one that stepped in and was able to observe my mind and the thoughts I have without judgment. Without making me the problem, knowing that I am not the problem, in fact there is no problem until the mind makes it so. Is my aging a problem? No, not until I make it one by thinking thoughts of it being a problem. Is it a problem that Eric my husband worked all week and hadn’t thought to plan a fun even for Saturday? No, not until he made it one by thinking the thought that it was a problem.
Mark Twain was quoted as saying “I’m an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened”
This is true for everyone. We have more problems in our head then we actually do in real life. How often do you have imaginary fights with people in your head? How often do you worry about your child getting in an accident? How much time do you spend worrying about losing your job, or getting sick, or that you hurt someones feelings because you canceled lunch plans??? We create these problems all the time in our heads that are not problems until we think them.
So who is the problem? Is it you? No. It’s the brain….allowed unchecked, it’s our mind allowed unchecked.
Im not the problem, my thoughts are. And being able to sort of step back and observe that thing that is creating all these problems allows it to be neutralized. The freedom I feel when I take a step back so to speak and clearly see where the problem lies, the problem is alway in my thinking.
It’s not your circumstances in life, it’s the way you think about your circumstances in life that truly matters.
My challenge to you today is to live for even a moment in your true essence so that you can observe the thoughts you’re having and can see clearly that you are not a problem to be solved but your mind is, and the more you’re able to notice those thoughts, the ones creating the problems, the less problems you’re gonna have. Share this with 3 people who have a brain…..
I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
