Hi guys welcome to Episode 339 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast!
How many of you guys remember, this song by Lewis Capaldi still played please call before you go where he says at one point it’s funny how your mind can make you feel so worthless. I never appreciated that until I really started working on mindset.
That’s a pretty enlightened statement because nothing has a meaning until you attach one to it, so for instance, have you ever been with a group of people maybe friends or family and you’re feeling kind of lonely or left out even though you’re surrounded with people that you like or want to get to know better? Why is that? I’ll give you some examples from my experience and see if you can relate because most of us have these thoughts of feeling left out sometimes and fortunately there’s a way to know why and that’s what we are gonna figure out today.
We were recently sailing in the British Virgin Islands with our good friends that we’ve traveled with on this trip for years. It’s special because there’s 4 couples and it’s just so easy. No drama at all besides the normal sail boat issues if you have a boat of any kind you’ll understand. But we have great conversation amongst the whole group, the girls get to talk for long periods of time on this trip which I love And you learn great things with that.
One of the days We were hiking on Cooper Island which is beautiful but it’s warm and there are steep hills which is awesome because with that comes amazing views so it’s worth it. But there would be an ebb and flow of pace for all of us. Sometimes there would be two of us ahead and sometimes there would be all of us walking together at the same pace. It was a lovely day.
But during one of our many conversations my friend and I were talking about managing our mind and how if we learn to notice our thoughts we realize that that’s the secret to understanding our feelings. My friend told me at one point on the hike three of us girls were in front and she was in back and she was having a thought of why am I back here alone again? And she said she caught herself and told herself “hey silly it’s because you have to speed up and get up there with them.” And that’s exactly what she did and all was well.
But you see easily if she didn’t catch herself she could start making things up in her head like they are leaving me intentionally, they don’t care if I’m with them or not, and all kinds of things that are not true even for a second but that’s how we do ourselves. And those thoughts could lead to her pulling away to protect herself and now we have a full case of drama but that didn’t happen because all the girls on that trip are pretty good at managing their thoughts.
But manage them we all do have to do. One of my other friends and I were joking around and I told her jokingly she was mean. She told me later she had thought about that statement a lot and she wondered if it were true. I didn’t even remember the conversation but it had stuck with her. Just to be clear, she’s not even close to being mean. She is the kindest most thoughtful person but you see when we hear things our thoughts can easily run away and if we don’t manage them they can do damage.
At another point the four of us girls were sitting together and I was just sort of sitting enjoying the view but at the same time not part of the conversation they were having and I had a momentary thought of they are not including me in this conversation. Then I realized I wasn’t including myself. And as soon as I joined in all was well. But you see I could have continued down that line of thought and made myself feel left out and all that comes with that. Funny thing is in the very same conversation one of the girls was sort of sitting back while we three were talking and her husband jokingly said why are you guys leaving my wife out of the conversation to which we all laughed including her because we know that’s not how it was.
But there’s a common thread here. No one wants to feel left out but a majority of the time unless you’re surrounded by “mean girls” a majority of the time no one’s leaving you out intentionally, you’re just not including yourself. And listen if you are surrounded by mean girls it’s time to find new friends. Life is too short but before you kick them to the curb make sure you’re just not leaving yourself out.
It’s your job to be a part of a conversation. It’s your job to be a good friend. In order to have good friends you have to be a good friend. You’re the center of your universe but you aren’t the center of anyone else’s universe. We tend to forget that. We think that other people don’t have thoughts like we do of feeling left out or left behind when they do, it’s what you do with those thoughts that turn it around or not. No one else is following you around making sure you have friends like your mom did when you were 4. Now I do happen to be an includer and I will pull someone into a conversation if I see they aren’t part of it but only if I notice it. Which like the day of the hike I had no idea my friend felt a little left behind until we talked about it but she managed her own thoughts and got herself right back with the group to which we all just were so happy she did because we all love each other, no one was trying to leave anyone out intentionally.
None of us were even aware because we were either focused on not slipping on the rocks or enjoying the views or simply trying to manage our own thoughts that we could be having and more than likely are.
Do you see a trend here though? No one wants to feel left out but more often than not, it’s the thoughts in your head that’s making you feel that way. And if you keep thinking that thought, more thoughts like it will pop up and now you’re in a full blown pity party that will have you either creating drama or isolating yourself which is never good.
So the question is Is someone making you feel that way or are you creating something in your head and they aren’t thinking about you at all. Which may sound hurtful but remember you are the center of your universe. Most of the time everyone else is worrying about themselves not you and that’s a good thing. Remind yourself that.
Those thoughts of feeling left out..no one knows you’re having them. These women I travel with are beautiful strong well adjusted women and we all have our quirks and our imperfections and we all still have those thoughts and all of us have to manage them. Just like you do. Just like everyone does.
If you don’t manage them, they WILL manage you.
We all have little insecurities for whatever reason from our upbringing or our life experiences And we are all human so we have human thoughts and emotions. How we manage them though, that’s what predicts our life and our happiness and our ability to say no silly they aren’t leaving you out, you need to join in, or catch-up, or invite or accept an invite or at the very least accept that whatever is going on….your thoughts about it can either make it better or make it worse and like it or not the longer you allow those negative thoughts the harder they are to get rid of because they snowball.
My challenge to you today is this week when you’re feeling left out or lonely…remind yourself that no one is following you around anymore checking that you make friends or checking that people are including you. You have to do that. What are you doing to be a good friend? What are you bringing that’s interesting to the conversation? Include yourself in a conversation. Accept the invitation to go walk. Or when is the last time you reached out to invite someone else to do something? At the very least though nip the negative thought before it becomes a snowball. We are social creatures. We aren’t gonna be happy being isolated but we aren’t gonna be happy around other people either if we let our negative thoughts snowball.
Share this with three humans that have thoughts. I love you guys! I’ll talk to you in a few days!
