Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 599 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I’m so happy you’re here. I love that you are here so much because it means we get each other. We are always working to be the best we can be and it isn’t going to happen externally, it all happens internally because that’s all we control. That’s why I do this, it’s so I remember every day that I shape how my day is going regardless of what happens during that day. It’s powerful stuff to realize that. It’s powerful because we all have these competing voices in our head. There’s the quiet, subtle voice of our inner guidance system that is always guiding you towards your best self and then there’s this much less quiet voice that wants what it wants now and it makes decisions more from ego and opinion than a strong knowing that life is always working in our favor which is where the inner guidance system comes from.
And sometimes that loud voice is so overpowering that it makes it impossible to even hear the inner guidance system. But it’s always there, always guiding you to your best life, just sometimes you can’t hear it. If you really think about it, you know the difference, it’s the voice saying “don’t eat that it makes you feel bad, or don’t do that it’s dangerous, or don’t say that, it’s not what they need to hear right now.
Several episodes ago I was telling you about a conversation I was having with my little sister Molly where my inner guidance system was saying don’t say that thing that you’re about to say do not say it it’s just gonna make her mad and put her on the defensive so don’t say it. My other voice kept saying I’m gonna say it because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t eventually the loud voice won out and I said it and it went exactly as my inner guidance knew it would blew the conversation up completely put her on defense and the conversation didn’t end well. Man, I knew better and I didn’t listen. These opportunities come up all the time if you think about it. Maybe you are having a conversation, maybe an argument with your significant other and you’re about to say something you KNOW is hurtful or judgey or maybe you don’t know that but something inside you is saying, stop talking or “don’t say it”. So often our inner guidance system is way more clued in to our surroundings than our conscious mind is which is why we get that nudge to check to make sure the door is locked or to not get on the elevator with the stranger this time. Our inner guidance system knows what the best path forward is and the more we are in tune to it, the more we not only hear it but listen the better our life is. The better our relationships are. It’s a work in progress always, we aren’t going to be perfect but man does it make life easier when we follow the guidance of the quiet voice, that inner guidance system that has more information than we are aware of.
As you guys know, I’m always working on this and I would like to report a win. Molly and I were having another conversation recently And it was a similar conversation to the one we had prior where I said the thing that I shouldn’t have said, and there was this new moment where I thought about saying something that would have again put her on defense, this time though, I not only heard my inner guidance saying don’t say it, I actually listened. The conversation lasted for maybe 30 minutes with me reminding myself to just listen, and inquire, don’t preach or judge. And even though a couple of times I desperately wanted to say the thing because part of me thought she needed to hear it, deep down was that quiet inner guidance voice telling me it’s not what she needs to hear right now. You will be happy to know that ultimately, I listened to my inner guidance system and I didn’t say the thing. Interesting thing happened. Molly had her own breakthrough just from me being present and listening to her. I didn’t need to say the thing that I wanted to say because she came up with it on her own. I realized not saying it allowed her to work things through in her own mind which is WAY more powerful than someone nagging you about a thing you already know you need to work on, giving her space to talk it out without feeling the need to fix her or give her unsolicited advice allowed her to realize what she needed to do on her own, no nagging required. Funny how that works.
And if I put myself in the reverse of the conversation, any time I come up with the solution on my own it’s way more effective and lasting. Nagging may work for a temporary “win” but it often leads to the person resenting you for it. You aren’t the only one with an inner guidance system, the person you are talking to has one too. We can’t forget that. You being the best you can be is the strongest influence you can have on anyone because it inspires others to be their best too. I’ve been accused of being judgey and I have to admit awareness has shown that to be true in some ways which doesn’t feel good to admit, but often that judgement of others stems from judging yourself harshly first which awareness has helped me also notice that as well. See always a work in progress. My point in saying that is more than likely the person venting to you is looking to do just that…vent. Unless they specifically ask you for advice, they probably aren’t looking for it. I have many times heard smart people say to ask a person venting if they just want to vent or if they are looking for advice, no harm in asking that. Here’s what I’ve learned: people don’t need your answers half as much as they need space to find theirs. Your job isn’t to be the hero with the mic drop. It’s to be the quiet room where their own voice, their own inner guidance system can finally be heard.
Your challenge this week: spot one moment this week where you are about to say something but there’s a little nudge to hold it in. Actually hold it in. That voice wants out. Don’t let it. Just hold the space and see what happens—Share this with 3 people who are either good at holding space or may need a little nudge to hold it more often. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
